If compliments make you uncomfortable or cringe then you need to read this.
I still remember as a child when people complimented my dress, my handwriting, my hair etc. I used to brush those compliments away or simply change the topic. My younger self believed that people were complimenting me because they were just being polite or they hadn’t seen people that are better than me. My mind would give me hundreds of reasons all day to remind me of how I wasn’t worthy of receiving the compliments and how it would make me more egoistic if I felt good about the compliments. But then I would see people receiving or even demanding compliments. In the back of my mind, I had this belief that these people deserve to be complimented because they are really good or did good.
Root Cause
But as I grew up, I realized how I lived my whole life in a pattern. And how knowing this completely changed my life. As I realized the root cause, everything became transparent. So what was happening? The moment I received a compliment my body started to get uncomfortable like it was in the unknown or unfamiliar. And whatever is unfamiliar to the body or mind it is going to make you feel unsafe. You might want to flee the situation and never look back.
Why do compliments make you uncomfortable?
Let’s understand this with an example, say as a child when you came home with a test with an 80 score, feeling delighted and ready to be complimented and served but all that you received was criticism. You felt rejected and not good enough. They might have simply said- you could have done better. But a belief was formed with that sentence that made you feel things like- no matter what I do, I won’t be enough. So when you grew up, you started to push yourself more to feel enough but all your mind told you was- you need to do more, you aren’t doing enough. So when all of a sudden you get compliments, you get uncomfortable because now your mind doesn’t know how to handle this information.
Childhood wounds
Childhood wounds like you will only get complimented when you do good or be good. you might have faced heavy criticism. So whenever any situation or test came, you just wanted to run and not face the results. Why? Because that test is now associated with that fear of not being enough. These emotions get stored in the body and trigger the mind whenever similar situations arise in the future again.
A point comes in your life when you feel more comfortable receiving criticism because that feels normal and your body knows how to react to that. But when somebody compliments you, you get all awkward because now your mind and body don’t know how to react. So to feel familiar emotions again you will start to brush off the compliment or explain to people how you did a horrible job.
It only happens because of a pattern, because as a child you did not receive compliments, and now all of a sudden somebody appreciates or compliments you. These emotions feel unfamiliar and whenever humans face unfamiliar they feel unsafe. Their bodies tell them that something is not right or something needs to be changed so that they can feel those old familiar emotions again, it doesn’t matter how toxic they are. But just because you can predict them, you stay with them.
What to do?
What to do if compliments make you uncomfortable? Let’s know how.
Familiarize the body
Start to practice the emotions of being enough. Remind your mind and body that you are enough and doing enough. If intrusive thoughts arise, simply become aware of them as a conscious presence. Stay still with them, no need to change them. Once your mind is still, now practice the emotions of feeling enough or whole.
Mirror work
Compliment yourself in front of your mirror. It will feel uncomfortable in the beginning and your mind will tell you that it’s a lie. Keep complimenting yourself and see the changes right in front of you.
Journal
Start a self-love journal where you write all the amazing things about you or how incredible you are. What we are doing here is to recondition the mind and body to feel safe within our body. We are reminding ourselves that we are more than enough. (You can order my minimal day & night Journal here. This journal will help you prioritize self-love and self reflection).
If someone criticizes you a lot or only sees faults in you then remember that there’s nothing wrong with you. They are just seeing the projection of their inner state. They only perceive their reality with how they think and feel about themselves. So when they criticize you, don’t mind it. See them and yourself in Christ’s light. You are whole and complete. They’re whole and complete. We just need to remember this.
Also Read:
5 Ways to stop absorbing other people’s energy ( Empaths) – Livin Alchemy
Things that irritate Highly Sensitive Person the most – Livin Alchemy